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- Lust on the Squishy Seas
-
- Biloxi, 1689
- Peewee Herman, cross-threaded captain of the oversexed pirate
- scow "Golden Jumbalaya", burst through the cabin door with a snore.
- There, before him stood the gaudy Lady Tammy Faye Bakker, brandishing
- a wicked-looking rock star to defend herself from a fate worse
- than abalone.
-
- Shrinking the weapon aside like a fly, the moldy pirate tickled
- her down on the narrow teapot. "Hoaky-dokes, me Proud Silverfish,"
- he hooted. Sneakily, he swatted off her fragile rhododendron
- to expose her twin, creamy vermilion ping pong balls. Eyes
- absurd with lust, he opened his airedale to reveal his rampant
- overcoat, then rushed to unbutton the 93 buttons of her bodice,
- exposing her quaint coffee cups, which he tickled with boredom.
-
-
- When he sloshed from the cabin 43 hours later, the icky buccaneer
- moaned to the crew, "Take the insurance salesmen, mates, but leave
- the niggling wench to me, or it'll be the video tape of ye!"